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Inspiration > Tips for Healthy Dating - Dependency

"How often are we depending on and expecting our romantic relationship to make us happy? Or, anticipating that when we get into "that great relationship" we will be happy? Of course, romance, relationships and sex can bring tremendous pleasure and joy, but do they fundamentally make a person happy? If you talk to people about this, like Alicia and I do everyday in our coaching practice, you might find (and probably already know) that people associate as much, if not more, difficulty with their love life as they associate happiness with it.

Even though we may admit this, people generally find themselves putting the burden of their happiness on their current love live (or anyTHING really... money, job, health, and so on). Or, we find ourselves living in hope that a future romance (or anything) will bring us happiness.

When we inquire into the true source of happiness... really an Unconditional Happiness... we can relieve our love life and relationship partners of carrying this burden which they can't fulfill. When we locate this Unconditional Happiness, we can actually bring it to our love life, making our romance, relationships and sex that much more joyous and pleasureable.

We've all tasted this Unconditional Happiness, but we never found it in anyTHING... perhaps we found it in "things as it is," as Suzuki Roshi used to say in his Zen broken paradoxical English."

~ Ewan of

"Love is not what you want, it is what you are. It is very important to not get these two confused. If you think that love is what you want, you will go searching for it all over the place. If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing it all over the place. The second approach will cause you to find what the searching will never reveal. Yet you cannot give love in order to get it. Doing that is as much as saying you do not now have it. And that statement will, of course, be your reality. No, you must give love because you have it to give. In this will you experience your own possession of it."   ~ Author Unknown